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Post by Derryk Aires on May 28, 2011 14:57:32 GMT -5
AND I'll give you a FREE six pack of empty beer to boot!
All you have to do is give me some constructive criticism on two promos from the PPV.
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Brian O'Neil
Member
"I'll rip the f*ckin' scream from yer throat!"
Posts: 35
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Post by Brian O'Neil on Jun 4, 2011 17:43:30 GMT -5
-Plays with his empty cans. Chucks one at Shane.-
Alright. From what I read.. Which was one of your promos. You've got some good points, but I think usage of commas could seriously help you, bro. Don't hate on the commas and semi-colons, man! They're your buddy.
Also, we get a good deal of the thoughts on Azaziel's mind, but.. There's only a few lines dedicated to his body language and posturing. It's almost like a speech, rather than a promo. I get that it's easy to get caught up, by a guy Azaziel's size should be pretty apparent in how he's feeling by his gestures, and what not.. Or, if there's a lackthereof, perhaps you could telegraph that?
I'm just putting in my two cents. I liked it, all-in-all.
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